We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
