Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
