Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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