I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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