"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
