everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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