We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
