3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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