Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
