It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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