It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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