Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
