my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
