I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
