just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You made out with two different species that night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
