So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
