don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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