The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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