I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize