I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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