I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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