My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
