Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
