How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
