Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
did i just pee glitter
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
