How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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