How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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