Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
