went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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