Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
