so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
