im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This baby is an asshole
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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