Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
