Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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