My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
