I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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