then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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