What tipped you off? The sombrero?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
