Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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