you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
3 2 1 whiskey
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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