when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
