youre lurking in front of me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
