Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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