I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
