he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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