Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
