My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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