Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
