Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
