I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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