i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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