Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
A+ Viking dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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