i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
