"it" just moved
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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