I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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