He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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