He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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