I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize