She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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