Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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