I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
