My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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