Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
