I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
