No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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