I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
