If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
