I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
