So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
