i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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