I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
