Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
