Kiss
Puke
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
