i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
