we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize