When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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