I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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