Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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