I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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