if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
