he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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