i'm lost and i look like a hooker
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize