You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
