I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
