Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
