Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
