i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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