Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
