Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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