i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
