Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Found your dick twin last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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