Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
