I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
