She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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