im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
