You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
