Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
