and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
