i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
