4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
