She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
