why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize