I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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